Dear Comcast, You're An Asshole
I knew it was loathe from first sight. You, a heartless corporate conglomerate, me a nondescript member of the middle class. You had been hitting on me for years with your smooth talking commercials and your persistent, yet confident mailers. Promises were made and you said that you were the best, that once I got a taste, I would never want to go back to any other. And so, with little other...
On the Menu: Nando's Peri-Peri
Nando’s Peri-Peri 924 Ellsworth Drive, Silver Spring, MD Nando’s has a side dish called Macho Peas. That, in my opinion, is enough to justify a visit to the place. Plenty of you, however, are going to want more reasons to dine at Nando’s and so, I’ll indulge you. Be warned, though, that these other reasons don’t involve the hyper-masculinization of green vegetables. An appetizer of...
The Reaction: Red Rocks and Newt Gingrich
What are your thoughts on Newt Gingrich’s plans to colonize the moon? (Click Read More to see The Dispatch’s reactions.) Jared: Mankind has always hoped for a President that would actualize its dreams of three-breasted alien vixens of the likes from Total Recall and now, the grandest of old parties is promising us just that. And while man may not know what to do with a third breast...
15 Reasons Comcast Can SUCK IT
(Reblog if you hate Comcast too.) 1.The movie Poltergeist was a dramatization about what happens when a household switches over to Comcast. 2.Osama Bin Laden had to change the name to Al Queda after realizing no one wanted to sign up for Al Comcast. 3.Comcast is an anagram for MC To Sac, the rapper voted by Vibe magazine to be most likely to teabag his audience. 4.Comcast is solely responsible...
No thanks to Comcast. Be expecting a lot of hate-driven content regarding the internet non-providing douche-bags of the Washington area’s favorite monopoly.
I had a dream
…that we had Internet. Then it turned out that I still only have phone access because the filter at work won’t let me access tumblr. -Grant
Update: Still No Internet
Hey everyone. Because our Internet provider loves making their new customers happy, they decided not to ship our modem until next week, despite the fact that we arranged to receive it on the 12th. The only real tumblr access we have is through our phones. We’ll be back sometime later this week. -Grant
5 Things You Didn't Know About David Chang
It’s been a big couple of years for David Chang, renown chef and restraunteur of the Momofuku enterprise—Milk Bar, Ma Peche, the Michelin Star ranked Momofuki Ko, Momofuku Noodle Bar in New York City and Momofuku Seiobo in Sydney, Australia—and now, after recently having a recurring role in HBO’s Treme, the chef who has been likened to the Kieth Richards of the culinary world is...
We’re currently in the process of moving. We’ll be back soon. Best, Jared and Grant
The Reaction: Favorite Celebrity Baby Name
With the birth of Blue Ivy Carter (Jay-Z and Beyonce’s baby), what are your favorite off-the-wall celebrity baby names? (Click Read More to see the Dispatch’s reaction.) Jared: Without a doubt Jason Lee who stars in a show about having a dumb name (My Name Is Earl) has to win this one hands down. When I had heard he named his child Pilot Inspektor (spelled like that, no lie), I...
Now Hear This: Let Them Eat Horse
Let Them Eat Horse “How would you like your horse done?” The absurdity of the question only falls away to the disgusting image of sitting at a restaurant table gnawing on Mr. Ed head cheese or Seabisquit sirloin. So while horses may be large, farm bred animals, their meat is not something most Americans have ever considered eating. But all of that could change. Unbeknownst to most, this past...
Channel Surfing: Californication Season 5
Californication Season 5 The first episode of Tom Kapinos’ series, Californication, limped out of the starting gate. I hate writing that, but it’s true. Whereas even the largely forgettable third season managed to put forth a stellar premiere (complete with Professor Richard Bates getting wasted and jumping out of a window, completely naked), season five’s kick-start offered...
On The Move: Destination H Street, Washington D.C.
Destination H Street When people think of D.C. they think of The West Wing, politicos young and old breaking bread over PAC paid lunches. They think of the shopping Mecca, Georgetown along with its neighboring stodgy and stuck up neighborhoods that are filled to the brim with popped collars and over-priced food. And as much as these things are part of what makes D.C., D.C., treading the...
Now Hear This: A First World Problem at Wendy's
A First World Problem at Wendy’s The lady behind the cash register looked distressed when she had to break the news to me. In fact, she opened her mouth to say something and at first nothing came out. But then she found her voice and uttered: “I have to warn you, it will take five minutes before we have any more chicken nuggets.” You see, I went into Wendy’s for an...
The Reaction: Best Album Cover
The Question: What album cover is worthy of being put on your walls? (Click Read More to see The Dispatch’s reactions.) Grant: I am really impressed with the cover of Tides and Tales, from Hurricane Bells. It looks like a moonrise over an ocean at night that was made out of little strips of paper put together. That’s some solid, classy art. Jared: Though I was tempted to put Kanye...
How To Tell If You're An Asshole
We’ve all thought if before. Maybe it was after getting cut off on the highway, or getting a dirty look from someone we don’t particularly care for. Maybe it was even after having someone butt in front of us while we were patiently waiting to replace our outdated iPhone 4 for one that came with a new and improved lower case “s.” Regardless of when or where, we’ve uttered,...
Margin Notes - Third Eye Blind, "Why Can't You Be"
“Why can’t you be like an art-house foreign movie? Frank and sexy, red balloons, and ennui?” —Third Eye Blind, “Why Can’t You Be” I can’t say too many good things about the Ursa Minor album, but I can say that Stephan Jenkins wrote the deepest, saddest song he’s ever written. There is a lingering gloom in this song that sticks around for...
5 Things You Didn't Know About Matt Damon
At the age of forty-one, Matt Damon has got the world by the balls. In 2011 alone, he was in five movies, appeared in a recurring role on NBC’s 30 Rock and began work on his directorial debut; a dream of his for years now. And while he might very well be one of Hollywood’s most recognizable faces and marketable names, there is still quite a bit that most moviegoers don’t...
The Letterpress: Trash by Andy Mulligan
Trash by Andy Mulligan The opening chapters of Trash fire you out of a cannon and keep that breakneck, oh god, someone’s breathing down your neck pace for the remaining two hundred pages. Raphael, Gardo, and Rat are three boys living in a ramshackle city that is built inside of a landfill that, if it were in the U.S., would have its own zipcode. They are scavengers, hunting for bits of...