March 2012
28 posts
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The Reaction: The "Hunger" Games?
The Hunger Games is not about hunger. What gives?
(Click Read More to see The Dispatch’s reaction.)[[MORE]]
Jared: As an expert on the subject; someone who has not only seen the official trailer—twice—but who has also thought seriously about reading the book, I can honestly say that the use of the term “Hunger” is merely an assertion that somewhere deep within us...
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The War On Hoodies
In what political commentators are calling a landmark press conference, President Obama announced today that the United States had a new public enemy number one. The group that is calling themselves Hooded Sweatshirts or “Hoodies” for short have been, for years, terrorizing citizens in every city throughout the United States. The President adamantly declared that he “can no longer stand by as...
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The Un-Onion: Ashby 1, Boxer Briefs 0
It was a balmy Sunday afternoon when Benjamin Ashby, a 19 year old sophomore at the University of Delaware, entered the common room of his dormitory to watch a re-run of 30 Rock, and promptly sharted.
Ashby, known in the dorms as “that guy”, sat down on the tattered, plaid and purple couch that students have been abusing for years. Minutes later, residents Jon Cremshaw and Drew Harmon...
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What Happened To The Moustache?
Earp, Nietzsche, Einstein, Flanders, Mercury and Magnum. Great men, all. And what was the single thing they had in common other than the epic fortitude to land themselves into the scrolls of history? The moustache. Each of these men (and so many more) rocked the famed facial follicles that symbolized greatness before it symbolized 70’s porn (and eventually hipsterdom).
For the past month,...
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On the Menu: Sticky Rice
Sticky Rice. H Street NE, DC.
This is a sushi spot with devastating tater tots. They are both tater-y and tottery and they arrive at your table inside of a shiny, metal bucket. A bucket! YES! And I’m not talking about a cute little pail that holds twenty tots. You could take this thing to the beach and make a full-sized sand castle turret with it. In fact, I’m not sure why the...
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The Reaction: Who Is Manlier?
Who is manliest, Ned Stark or Donald Draper?
(Click “Read More” to see The Dispatch’s reaction.)[[MORE]]
Jared: Have you seen the way Don Draper wears a suit? Beds a woman? Drinks his scotch? Dude seeps machismo through his pores. Oh you thought that was sweat? And, last I checked, Ned Stark got a lot shorter at the end of last season. And by a bratty, little pussy no less....
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Now Hear This: Getting Older Ain't So Bad
Two-hundred-twenty-seven. There’s no denying it, in dog years, I’m one old son of a bitch. This past weekend marked my thirty-first birthday, a number which has been as underwhelming as any that came before it. (Did anyone really cherish twenty-seven through twenty-nine, or how about nineteen for that matter?)
Though, the most interesting part about the entire day was when someone...
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Now Hear This: I Miss George Carlin
I Miss George Carlin
Even though his later comedy specials were more angry ranting than actual comedy, I still love the man. George Carlin was a brilliant mind who could move from dissecting the English language one minute to talking about his pet getting neutered the next and make it work. He also had the ability to use his words like a knife to cut through all sorts of political and religious...
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On The Menu: D.C.'s New Contender For Best...
Chef Monis putting the final touch on a dish at Dupont’s Little Serow
For years I’ve longed for the ability to dine at world renown chef Johnny Monis’ Komi. It’s consistently haunted me from atop the Washingtonian Top 100 list, but being a man of only moderate means the $150 prix fixe menu has kept me at bay. Recently, however, Monis has expanded and opened a new...
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Now Hear This: I Have No Idea What I'm Writing...
I Have No Idea What I’m Writing About Today, People
There, I said it. I’ve been brainstorming all day. Normally, it’s a heavy blizzard of ideas. Quips, quotes, books, restaurants, stupid jokes only I could laugh at. Today, though, I’m coming up short. At first, I was going to write an article about why you should go see The Hunger Games. Two paragraphs in, I realized...
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The Reaction: Are Gibson Movies Still Good?
In light of the fact that Mel Gibson is a raging anti-semite and racist, is it still alright to like Braveheart? Why or why not?
(Click Read More to see the Dispatch’s reaction.)
[[MORE]]
Jared: Good question. Braveheart is a tricky subject. To figure out if you are allowed to still watch it, you have to ask yourself the following questions:
1. Have you ever been called “Sugar...
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Now Hear This: Starbucks State of Mind
I knew the world had changed when I saw my father—a man with a steadfast hatred for change; a simple, blue collared, evening news kind of man—order a White Mocha Frappaccino, two pumps. This is a man who had complied with the message that the best part of waking up was Folgers in his cup for fifty years and yet here he was ordering one of the most frau frau drinks that the Seattle-based gourmet...
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On the Menu: Medium Rare
Medium Rare. Cleveland Park, DC.
Do you know what’s better than a plate full of beautifully seasoned medium rare steak and a side of crispy frites? Having a second plate of beautifully seasoned medium rare steak and a side of crispy frites. That’s what happens at Medium in Cleveland Park. It’s magical.[[MORE]]
Part of the magic stems from simplicity. There is only one item...
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Behind The Bar: Surly Brewing Company
I’ve known about Surly Brewing Company for years now, their IPA, Furious, frequently taunting me from atop Beer Advocate’s best of lists. Though, as much as I longed to try it—to try all of their highly revered beers—I was plagued with the unfortunate fact that the Minnesota brewery doesn’t distribute to the Washington D.C. area.
So you can imagine how excited I was when last...
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Margin Notes: Owen - Who Found Who's Hair in Who's...
“Who found whose hair in whose bed? I’ll tell you, it told me more of you than you did.”
Owen - “Who Found Who’s Hair in Who’s Bed”
Okay, yes, the fact that there are two incorrect uses of “who’s” in the official song title is a bit of a downer. It should be “Who Found Whose Hair in Whose Bed”, but maybe...
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The Reaction: Snooki's Preggers
With Snooki’s announcement that she is now with child, what do you think will happen with her Television career?[[MORE]]
Jared: The Jersey Spore household is no place for a child. Snooki needs to take her Gorilla Juice Head beau and start up her own show. With her volatile personality, her trips down marital bliss lane could make for epic onscreen drama. Plus, whatever Toxic Avenger...
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80's Movies That Shouldn't Be Remade
With 21 Jump Street being released next week and Footloose already hitting the shelves, The Dispatch brings you five 80’s movies that should never be remade.[[MORE]]
The Toy
In 1982, Richard Pryor agreed to play a man who is bought by a wealthy, white business mogul. The reason? To give Pryor as a gift to his spoiled rotten son who already has everything he could possible desire....
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The Mix Tape: Lana Del Ray - Born To Die
Ever since her swollen lips and sultry sounds blew up on the channels of Youtube, Lana Del Ray has become one of the fastest rising stars in modern day. She’s a peculiar songstress for a peculiar period in music, which makes her the perfect entrant to the otherwise vacant music scene of late.[[MORE]]
Her sound is vaguely familiar to the trained ear: think Fiona Apple 2.0 or Mazzy Star if...
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The Letterpress: Powers Volume 1 - Who Killed...
Powers Vol. 1: Who Killed Retro Girl? by Brian Bendis and Michael Avon Oeming
Retro Girl is dead, that’s for sure. Her body has turned up at—of all places—an elementary school and the cops are asking questions. As a new reader, you have no idea who Retro Girl, but somehow, you know she was someone who was supposed to live forever....
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Now Hear This: Rush For Hire
Oh Rush, how our nation loves to loathe you.
Conservative talk-show host, Rush Limbaugh, found himself in hot water last week after calling Georgetown University student, Sandra Fluke, a “slut” and a “prostitute” for testifying before a Democratic congressional committee on the topic of birth control. Fluke is a member of the growing number of students and workers of...
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The Letterpress: The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Percy Jackson is missing. The enigmatic prophecy of Rachel Elizabeth Dare from The Last Olympian is slowly taking shape. And to make matters even complicated, the very first character who lends us his eyes has no idea who he is, where he’s going, or why he is even there in the first place. So begins the first entry in Rick Riordan’s follow-up series to Percy Jackson...
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The Reaction: McRibster
McDonald’s Australia is releasing something known as, “The McRibster.” What are your thoughts on this ground breaking development?
(Click “Read More” to see The Dispatch’s reaction.)
Jared: A deep fried pork patty covered in bacon and jack cheese, topped with honey mustard and sweet chili sauce? I’m in. There are few things Ausies do right: wrestle...
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Support This Stache
While I realize that mustaches, by in large, represent everything I hate—hipsters, the seventies, creepy men who drive panel vans around school zones—I have dedicated myself to growing one of these follicular faux pas during the month of March for one reason and one reason only: a good cause.’
826DC is a charitable organization that serves to help bestow the gift of reading...
