April 2012
26 posts
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The Letterpress: The Wind Through the Keyhole by...
The Wind Through the Keyhole by Stephen King
This is the Dark Tower novel I waited for King to write. This is the story that actually delves into the real mythology of Roland’s world, a world where there is magic and technology and parallel universes all wound together in a loosely connected web. Furthermore, this is a story that can best be summed up in three short lines of...
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Stateless - Bloodsteam
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The Reaction: The New Old Fashioned?
From a reader: I’ve noticed that some cocktail lounges do their own variants of the Old Fashioned. I think this is stupid. Do you?
Click “Read More” to see The Dispatch’s reactions[[MORE]]
Jared: It does seem a bit silly to take a drink whose very namesake would make you think it’s a timeless, familiar drink and bastardize it with your own spin: a sprig of mint...
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The Cabin In The Woods Is Oh So Sweet
When a horror movie is almost universally hailed by critics—by the likes of The Wall Street Journal, no less—it automatically becomes suspect in my book. I remember when I had seen the hype that was Rubber and immediately longed for the cinematic “genius” of “Two Girls One Cup.” So, to be honest, I expected The Cabin In The Woods to blow a big one. Was almost certain this would be the case. But...
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Children Excited to Destroy Adorable Monkey Pinata
Children Excited to Destroy Adorable Monkey Piñata
Anticipation is running rampant at the 7th birthday party of Texas resident, James Bryant. The excitement is being generated by the presence of a neon-striped monkey piñata that is currently being tied to a rope before it will suspended from a tree branch. Sporting a round, smiling face, the monkey piñata has been described by several parents as...
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Dolph Lundgren Is Smarter Than You, Really
The very fact that the headline grabbed you and led you to read this—probably with eyes vested in surprise—is why it’s such a necessary point to make. You know nothing about the blonde golem who played Drago in Rocky IV and Frank Castle in the original (and somehow worse) version of The Punisher, yet due to his immense size and finely chiseled jawline you assume the dude is an idiot.
But...
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Margin Notes: Brunello Cucinelli
“But this is the world as it’s always been: Something grows, rises, and dies, and from the ashes something else is made. We are tiny custodians.” —Brunello Cucinelli
GQ ran an article in their April issue that made me happy to be alive again. Brunello Cucinelli, if you didn’t know (I didn’t, that’s for sure), is a high-end cashmere clothing designer in...
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The Reaction: Rocky Alums Square Off
From Anonymous Reader: Who would win in a boxing match between Ivan Drago and Mr. T?
(Click Read More to see the Dispatch’s Reaction)[[MORE]]
Jared: This may be the toughest question I’ve ever had to answer. A-Team baddass or genetic freak of nature. Clubber Lang played by Mr. T had a knack for predicting pain, while Drago is likely to assert that he will lose. Clubber is scrappier,...
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When Free Speech Goes Too Far
Let me start this by saying that I like Ted Nugent. I mean that. While I don’t necessarily agree with his politics, I think he is oft-misunderstood and much more intelligent than most give him credit for. I even read his weekly contributions to the Washington Times, which are usually thought-out, well written commentaries on our society.
So while I respect the “Cat Scratch Fever”...
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The Mix Tape: Frank Turner - England Keep My Bones
Frank Turner - England Keep My Bones
“On the day I die, I’ll say ‘at least I fucking tried’/And that’s the only eulogy I’ll need.” Those are the closing lines to the first track of Frank Turner’s rocking and rolling (while occasionally swaying) album, England Keep My Bones. Over the course of twelve tracks, you’ll find that he’s a man...
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Dead Men Put On A Helluva Show
For those music lovers who sit around in great lament thinking “I wish I could have seen Cobain or Marley or Hendrix or Lennon while they were still alive,” good news has just arrived. After Dr. Dre’s Sunday night Coachella act, the rules of life, death and performance art have been forever rewritten.[[MORE]]
In an unsuspected twist, Tupac Shakur rose from the grave and erupted on stage in...
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Channel Surfing: Game of Thrones, Season 2
Games of Thrones: Season 2
Last year, I told all of you to tune in to HBO, because George R.R. Martin’s politico-bloodbath had finally been adapted into a television series worth watching. This year, my message is pretty much the same: if you haven’t caught up from season one and plunged headfirst into season two, you need to cut your excuses (“I have a job,” “I...
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Sunday Song: Frank Turner - Peggy Sang The Blues →
We’re trying something new on Sundays.
You like music. We like music. We’re going to share music picks with you.
For starters, here’s Frank Turner. He’s British, he can belt, and this song is going to be stuck in your head for days.
—Grant
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The Reaction: Betting On The Orioles
What would you say is the over under for number of wins regarding the Baltimore Orioles this season?
(Click Read More for The Dispatch’s reactions.)
[[MORE]]
Jared: Now I know what you’re thinking: after getting trounced by the Yankees, the Orioles are looking as bad as ever. I disagree, however. The Yanks are the Yanks; a seasoned program that purchases the crown they wear upon...
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Behind The Bar: The West's Best IPA's
Russian River Brewery
Their name might stir looks of confusion on the East Coast, but on the other end of the forty-eight contiguous states lies a familiar face to the beer scene; a brewery whose hoppy ales define a veritable coastline. Russian River Brewing Company, a Santa Rosa, CA establishment, is fairly new on the brewing scene, brewmaster Vinnie Cilurzo gaining his emancipation by...
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On the Menu: San Francisco at a Glance
San Francisco at a Glance
During my seven days in San Francisco, I consumed enough calories to properly nourish three copies of myself. Between pizza, beer, sushi, pho, wine, Thai, wings, pies, chowder, sourdough, hummus, cookies, chili, barbecue, biscuits, and muffins, it’s hard to narrow my list down, so I figured I would do a quick run-through of my highlights. Here we go.
Devil’s...
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Now Hear This: Grant's Guide to Wine Tasting
Grant’s Guide to Wine Tasting
I’ve learned a few things about wine these past few days. Running through Napa Valley was an eye opening experience, especially considering that my background is in beer. There’s a ton of vocabulary to learn and mannerisms to display. In order to help you out, I’d like to offer you my guide to the wine tasting experience.
First,...
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The Reaction: What The Hell Is Up With NASCAR
Can someone please explain NASCAR to me?
(Click Read More to see The Dispatch’s reaction.)[[MORE]]
Jared: Don’t feel bad if you don’t understand NASCAR. In the world of sports it is often known as the avante-garde, thinking man’s game. For instance, many a layperson struggle to wonder why NASCARs always turn left, but upon closer consideration, you will notice that there...
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The Beginners Guide To Wine
Part I. Choosing Your Vino
Shed Your Predispositions
I can just hear my father indignantly declaring that “Wine is for girls,” just as he did quiche and flan. He is not alone, however. Sadly this is a common idea, that real men aren’t allowed to drink vino, which is pure bullshit as there are few things as manly as a full bodied Cabernet Sauvignon, rich with notes of earth, barrel-aged...
Things I Have Overheard While in SF
You have to ask a gay guy at the gym what exercise to do. Straight guys get scared when you ask them.
And he was wearing like jeans that only cost $300, so why should I even bother talking to him?
(NOTE: Really???)
Daddy, can you buy me a sea lion?
“I’m sorry, I can’t be a part of your calling list. It’s not you, it’s me.”
My brother, upon realizing...
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Now Playing: Worst Casting Choices Ever
I think we just got Punk’d, America. In a press conference yesterday, it was announced that the planned (read: innevitable) Hollywood biopic of Steve Jobs had its first actor signed on. Ashton Kutcher, the new Two And A Half Men co-star will be portraying our nation’s Rockefellar of tech in what has to be one of the worst casting decisions of all time.
It makes one wonder who in the...
What the Hell is Rice-A-Roni?
Hey Readers,
Good morning. It’s 9:40 AM here on the West Coast. I’m in San Francisco for the next week, because teaching is awesome and I’m on Spring break. I’ll be eating fancy food along with stuff that was fried in the back of a truck. I plan on seeing this so-called “China Towne.” I will eat sourdough bread and smirk at its funky flavor. I just heard a...
