May 2012
30 posts
7 tags
Where To Go When The Dead Walk
If my Facebook news feed is a testament of the times, then there is no doubt about it: The End is here. The Zombie Apocalypse as it’s been called presumably started with Patient Zero; a crazed maniac who was seen eating a hobo’s face beneath a highway underpass in Miami before being shot dead by police. (It should be noted that the first shots didn’t fell the rabid man.)
Somewhere in a...
10 tags
The Letterpress: The Last Unicorn by Peter S....
The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle
The title is not the most masculine in the world, so you need to get over that. After all, The Princess Bride isn’t the manliest of titles either, and if you don’t enjoy that movie you’re pretty much dead to me. The truth is, if you’ve ever enjoyed a fairy tale or a high fantasy epic, you’re going to get swept up in Peter...
9 tags
Now Hear This: Man Brew His Own Beer
Like anything man has set out to do, the first time my buddies and I tried to brew beer it was a disaster. Our pot was the wrong size, our temperature never fully rose to a boil; our entire operation was under researched and poorly planned.
That being said, as we four sat in the kitchen stirring up a bitches brew that would eventually turn out to be little more than fodder for the drain, we had...
6 tags
Now Hear This: Memorial Day 2012
Memorial Day 2012
I could go ahead and re-post my Memorial Day article from last year. But it’s been a year and I have something new to write about.
We’ve forgotten the value of our soldiers. Plain and simple. We’ve lost the thread.
For the most part, I think it’s because our past decade of war has left us largely without sacrifice. Yes, we did funnel a ton of...
10 tags
Listen
7 tags
The (Ingredient) List: Memorial Day Edition
Let’s face it. Being a man often means that people have low expectations of what you’re going to bring to a party. We grill meat, okay, but otherwise we’re known for bringing beer or a sad looking wing tray from the grocery store. This year, here’s a quick and easy recipe that will put those other guys to shame.
Spicy Buffalo Dip
Ingredients:
2 blocks of cream cheese...
16 tags
The Reaction: A Twofer For The Holiday
From a Reader: With the new movie trailer for “The Great Gatsby” just out will the movie do the novel any justice? Related (hey it’s memorial day weekend, we are due for a two-fer) has there ever been a great work that has not been made into a motion picture that should be?
Jared:
#1. Gatsby is great and I don’t mean that in the “Citizen Kane is great”...
6 tags
Now Hear This: Maxim's Hot 100 Is Bunk
One of two things are true: either I’m getting old and irrelevant or Maxim’s 100 was a pathetic display this year (minus Steven Colbert’s unsuspecting appearance at #69). And considering the fact that I giggled to myself a bit as I typed out the number “69” (and again, for that matter), I doubt it’s that I’m getting old.
Though I could talk all day...
10 tags
The Mix Tape: Ron Pope - Daylight
Ron Pope - Daylight
This isn’t a new album. In fact, most of my reviews aren’t for new albums. They’re for albums I stumble across that resonate deeply with me. And, really, that’s the great thing about music: an album from fifty years ago can set me spinning the same way as one released yesterday. But Ron Pope kept popping up on Pandora and I kept going, “Damn,...
8 tags
Oh, Washington Sports...
It’s not easy being a Washington area sports fan. Growing up with the titans of the ‘91 Redskins fueling the flames of your fandom, remembering with great joy the All-Ripken squad in Baltimore (before the new-found Nat’s had even been cooked up). It makes the current state of losing team after losing team a heartbreaking combo.[[MORE]]
Sure, the Nat’s are doing alright...
15 tags
On the Menu: Wit & Wisdom, Baltimore
Wit & Wisdom
Baltimore is not a city known for its culinary prowess. Despite the presence of The Prime Rib and Charleston, you’ll be hard pressed to find people who would label Baltimore as a foodie-friendly place. Wit & Wisdom serves an anchor restaurant for the Four Seasons hotel in Harbor East. The restaurant has a wide-open, flowing feel to it—one that is mirrored by...
7 tags
4 tags
Ten Things A Man Should Never Say
“Toodles”
“No beer for me, I’m watching my figure.”
“Those geraniums are just darling.”
“Obvi!”
“I’ll have the Dr. Pepper 10, please.”
“This bellini is too strong.”
“Do I look fat in this?”
“Yoga”
“Don’t you just love Tay Swift?”
“Scrumptious”
5 tags
The Reaction: Manly Minivans?
From a reader: What do you think about the “manly” minivan commercial. If I bought one, would that break man law?
Jared: I’ve seen the convincing ad and within moments, I have to admit, I was convinced to promptly turn it off as I could feel my angina acting up. A “manly” minivan is about as realistic as a “manly” 10 calorie drink (we’re not buying...
8 tags
5 Myths About The President
America’s HNIC may very well be the most powerful man on Earth and with great power comes great big fat lies. Here are a few about the Presidency that still seem to ingrain themselves into the mentality of Americans throughout history, even today.[[MORE]]
POTUS can enact laws; gay marriage, for instance. This one couldn’t be farther from the truth. The legislative branch of our...
20 tags
Now Playing: The Avengers
The Avengers
Stop reading. Get up. Go see The Avengers. It doesn’t actually matter if you saw any of the other movies that led up to it. So stop making excuses, don’t tell yourself that you’ll wait for it to come out On Demand, and get your ass to a theatre.
I know you’ve been thinking about what it would be like if a writer actually knew how to make a movie full of...
8 tags
Burton Left Sitting In The Shadow of His One Note?
Tell me if you’ve heard this one before: Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp walk onto a movie set, a Tim Burton directed movie set. They each play dark, quirky characters with oddball sensibilities and an almost ominous way about them. There is humor—an almost G-rated black comedy style humor—and through some odd set designs and direction, the plot is resolved while the viewer is left...
9 tags
The Village Idiot: North Carolina Bans Sushi
The Village Idiot
North Carolina Bans Sushi
Raleigh, NC
In an historic moment, the state of North Carolina approved a state-wide ban on the sale and consumption of sushi. The Japanese comfort food consisting of rice, seaweed, and slices of seafood, will no longer be served in North Carolina.
“I don’t like sushi,” said Mitch Hokum, 45. “It just ain’t a natural,...
7 tags
2 tags
The Reaction: The Manscaping Debate
From a reader: Manscaping - Is it ever ok?
(see the Dispatch’s reactions by clicking “Read More”)
[[MORE]]
Jared: Number one: Referring to any personal trimming that you may do on or around your private parts as “Manscaping” is never ok. Men don’t use clever nicknames for shit having to do with our bodies. We don’t name our dongs, we don’t get...
7 tags
Now Hear This: How Dumb Can This Country Get?
Today, before millions of Americans, President Obama stunned the nation when he, a liberal President—I repeat, a liberal President—made it clear that he was in favor of homosexual marriage rights. Until now the nation had slept comfortably at night under the blanket of safety that they had elected a Democratic President who still held onto the fire and brimstone teachings of Jonathan...
10 tags
Now Hear This: The United States of Space
The United States of Space
Remember when the United States was so keen on science that it altered its basic educational approaches in order to send more students into the fields of aerospace and engineering? Remember when we were the pinnacle of scientific discovery? I don’t. I don’t, because I wasn’t alive then. I missed out on the space race (and, thankfully, the impending...
5 tags
Now Hear This: Get On The Bus
Over three days, Washington. That’s how long, on average, we spend stuck in traffic every year. Seventy-four hours to be exact. This should come as no surprise to area denizens that are more than familiar with the veritable baton death march that is the inner loop during rush hour. In fact, we’ve recently been ranked as number one for the worst traffic in the United States.
The solution to this...
9 tags
Now Playing: Crown of Shadows - the wake of...
Crown of Shadows: the wake of Odysseus
Odysseus, by modern standards, is a real jerk. His arrogance causes the gods to sidetrack him for years, leaving his wife and son to carry on with nothing but idle hope that one day he will return. Jason Gray Platt’s play is a take on what it might have been like for Penelope and Telemachus if they lived in a more modern time. Penelope and her son...
5 tags
Listen
5 tags
8 tags
The Reaction: Advice to a Graduating Senior
Today’s Reader Question: What advice would you give to graduating seniors in high school?
(Our Responses After The Jump)[[MORE]]
Grant: If you are the kind of person who has always been on three sports teams throughout the school year and that is what keeps you in shape, you are probably going to get fat in college. If you are the kind of person who has always been naturally thin, you are...
10 tags
D.C.'s Best Happy Hours
If you’re like me, you’re sick of the gross misuse of the once fabulous term “Happy Hour.” It seems, anymore, that every place has a Happy Hour, even if they don’t. “A dollar off drafts,” many of my haunts post on their sign boards. A dollar? Really? Happy Hour is supposed to be a notion of extreme savings—it’s supposed to represent Black Friday-like mad prices that make...
14 tags
Margin Notes: The Wind Through the Keyhole by...
“The stories we hear in childhood are the ones we remember all our lives”
—Stephen King, The Wind Through the Keyhole
It’s true, you know. The early stories are the ones that dig in deep. When we get older, we may find out that they’re stuffed full of cliches, but when you’re young, there’s no such thing as a cliche. Incidentally, this is why I have...
8 tags
Now Hear This: Hockey's Darkest Moment
I was appalled last week when, after the Caps bested the Bruins during a heavily contested game seven, hockey fans went to the twitterverse with their torches lit and their Klan hoods donned.[[MORE]]
Yes, it was African American Joel Ward who scored the final goal and yes, hockey is a sport that is commonly generalized for being white, but the type of hate-laced messages that were being tossed...
