A reader asks:If America had a royal family, who would it be?
Grant: American royalty? Hmmm…there are plenty of ways to look at this. People who crush others beneath their heels for personal gain? A group that claims to act in the name of good and then commits every grievous offense known to man? A family that offers nothing to the general public, yet is idolized on a regular basis for reasons no one can ever explain? That would be every Jersey Shore alum, ladies and gentlemen. They are seen as a higher class of Americans (because too many Americans are idiots), they are our ambassadors to foreign countries (who damage our already damaged image), and they have throngs of fans despite adding nothing of positive value to anyone, anywhere.
Jared: There is only one Royal family in my mind and the two stem from the banks of our founding colonies. We’ve all seen their beautiful proposal shining down on us from above 83 in Baltimore. They are the sign of hope and prosperity. Even more so, America. Mr. Boh and the Utz girl. What better than the marriage of beer and potato chips to define our great nation? God save the Boh!